Đám giỗ: the Vietnamese death anniversary

Đám giỗ (say "dahm yaw" in the South, "dahm zaw" in the North) is the Vietnamese death anniversary: a yearly day when a family remembers an ancestor with offerings at the family altar, incense, prayers and a shared meal. It's held on the anniversary of the person's death, usually counted by the lunar calendar, and it's one of the most important family gatherings of the year.

Here's what happens at a đám giỗ, why it matters, and how to be a good guest.

What does "đám giỗ" mean?

Giỗ means death anniversary, and đám refers to a gathering or event. People also say ngày giỗ (the anniversary day) or just giỗ. The custom is part of ancestor veneration, a central practice in Vietnamese family life, based on the idea that ancestors remain connected to the living family.

Interestingly, Vietnamese families traditionally mark the day a person died rather than their birthday.

When is it held?

The date is usually the anniversary of the death on the lunar calendar, so it moves on the Western calendar each year. Some families, especially abroad, hold the gathering on the nearest weekend so relatives can attend.

Traditionally, the first and second anniversaries are especially significant. The first is called giỗ đầu, and the second is often linked with the end of formal mourning. After that, the giỗ continues every year, often for generations. See the lunar calendar in Vietnamese life.

What happens on the day

The details vary by family and region, but a đám giỗ often includes:

• Preparing food. Family members cook a feast, often including dishes the ancestor loved.
• Setting the altar. Food, fruit, flowers, rice wine, tea and incense are placed on the family altar.
• Lighting incense. The eldest or the head of the family lights incense first and invites the ancestor to return and join the meal.
• Family members pay respect. Others take turns lighting incense and bowing.
• Waiting. The family waits a while after the offering before taking the food down, usually until the incense has burned down.
• The meal. The food is then shared by everyone. Eating together is the heart of the occasion.

The food

A đám giỗ meal is usually generous. Common dishes include boiled chicken, sticky rice (xôi), spring rolls, soups and braised dishes, though every family has its own traditions. In some families, a dish the ancestor loved is always included. Fruit, often arranged on a tray, is a common offering too; see the five-fruit tray.

Vegetarian offerings are common in some families, especially those with strong Buddhist practice.

Who attends?

Mostly extended family: children, grandchildren, siblings, cousins. Close family friends and neighbors may also come. For many families, it's a reunion as much as a remembrance, with plenty of catching up, food and conversation.

Đám giỗ vs funeral

A funeral is a period of mourning right after a death. A đám giỗ is an ongoing yearly remembrance that, after the early years, is often warm and social rather than sad. Children play, adults catch up, and the ancestor is remembered fondly. See Vietnamese funeral customs for the earlier rituals.

A national giỗ

Vietnam also has a national death anniversary: Giỗ Tổ Hùng Vương, commemorating the legendary Hùng Kings, on the 10th day of the 3rd lunar month. It's a public holiday.

If you're invited as a guest

Being invited to a đám giỗ means you're treated as close to the family. A few tips:

• Bring something. Fruit, incense, sweets, tea or a small envelope of money are common. Ask your host if unsure.
• Dress modestly. Neat, simple clothing. Avoid anything flashy.
• Light incense if invited. Hold it with both hands, bow a few times in front of the altar, and place it in the incense bowl. Follow what others do.
• Greet the elders. Say hello to the oldest family members first.
• Join the meal. Accept food and compliment the cooking.

A tradition that holds families together

Đám giỗ keeps family history alive. Children hear stories about grandparents and great-grandparents they never met, and scattered relatives have a reason to gather. For many families abroad, it's one of the traditions they hold onto most closely.

If you're invited to a đám giỗ, ask your host one simple question beforehand: "What would be good to bring?"